i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Randomize
