i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
