i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
