i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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