My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
