Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
