My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
