I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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