My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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