i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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