i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
