just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
