I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
