I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
