just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
