So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
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do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
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We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
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