i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Randomize
