I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
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