I am full of burrito and curiosity
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
