she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
