i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
