Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Ladies don't puke and tell
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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