Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Randomize