Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
