btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
