But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
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