there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
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In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize