You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
