Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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