matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
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