420 ftw
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
