Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
