he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
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