She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
