So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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