That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
