you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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