I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
