He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
