I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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