Whod you bang
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
