Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
