i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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