The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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