I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
