THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Don't EVER smell your tampon
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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