You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
ttyl tear gas
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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