You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
