My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
