when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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