he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Randomize
