I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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