so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
