Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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