think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Randomize
