he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
