this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
