I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
