Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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