What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
