I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
