The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Every concussion has its silver lining
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I am available for nakedness
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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