This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
