I feel great
I just peed on a car
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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