i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Randomize
