my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
