I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
where are my eyebrows?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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