he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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