i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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