Ambien. No doubt about it.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
