you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Randomize
