Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
