Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
