you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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