You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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