i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
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