the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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