An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
