If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
