do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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